This One’s For Me

It’s been a LONG year.


I turn 41 today, and looking back at where I’ve come from this time last year, I can say I really HAVE climbed a lot higher. It’s felt, as I’ve told friends, like climbing a mountain of shale at times, a few heaves up, and a mad slipslide back down, over and over again, but while I’m not at the top yet (that will happen when I sign my own homeownership papers) I am more than halfway up, and rising.

I’m writing this particular blog in order to remind myself of what I have actually accomplished, as a sort of birthday gift to me. As many of you know, I am ADHD (yes, really) and along with that comes a memory that may as well be a reused whiteboard. I retain a lot of my mistakes, funny enough, but always forget my accomplishments, so I often feel like I’m just dumb-lucky when things work out for me, when in reality I have worked my heiny off. So, to remind myself and motivate for the future, here’s a list of  things I have accomplished this year (and yes, this list is taking me a LONG time to remember in order to even write it down; going in order over the year helps):

  1. July 2017: Earned my way into a VERY good, stable job with benefits.
  2. August 2017: Escaped homelessness by the skin of my teeth through the use of hard work and quick thinking.
  3. September 2017: Finalized work on a convention where I was in charge of three huge areas (science, fantasy, and literature), including the creation and organization of programming, set design, and guest / pro scheduling and travel arrangements.
  4. October 2017: Put on said convention with a team of AMAZING people.
  5. November 2017: Pushed through the one-year anniversary of the worst experience of my life, and reminded myself that I have family and friends who love me even as I battled depression worse than anything I have ever felt.
  6. December 2017: Made Christmas for the children who live with me, even as I terribly missed those who were gone and held inside a terrifying fear that we would be evicted because I couldn’t figure out how to balance my budget right and keep it that way. Used that fear and a good measure of guilt to power my problem solving skills into overdrive, escaping the fate of homelessness once again.
  7. January 2018: Made up my mind to finally get my proverbial shit together. Made a plan to fix my budget, set things on autopay, and etc.
  8. February 2018: Failed in 99% of my budget plans. Almost lost electricity. BUT I set up a contract with Jessica Douglass (YAYAY!) to create beautiful new covers for “Guts and Glory”, and began planning real marketing for the series.
  9. March 2018: Marketing ideas crashed with no budget to build them. Lost motivation to write. Restarted budget plans in the midst of that loss, in defiance of depression. Set up my student loan payments to work (they’re still working now!)
  10. April 2018: Budget plan crashed. Tried again.
  11. May 2018: Bought a car so I could pick my children up from Wyoming. With my own credit. In my own name. Terrified, I redoubled my efforts to fix my budget. Found Lyft and Uber. Began driving for extra cash. Slowly and painfully began patching my bills and budget with the extra money.
  12. June 2018: Tomorrow, I will finalize the autopayments that kept slipping from my grasp before. As of today, I am stable and able to pay all my bills, as well as get groceries and even have some fun. I am also working on TWO books, both of which give me great joy.

Happy birthday Jess. You have accomplished a lot! ❤

(Now stop crying. ;-))


2 Responses to “This One’s For Me”

  1. It has been quite a year! Glad you’re still here to share it with us.

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