How my Cisgendered, Straight Sexuality Taught me about Truth

I was raised by a mother who I still worship to this day. I grew up with two sisters who I have always looked up to. I am Pagan, and relate to the Goddess so much more than any male-centric god. I had a father who cared more about alcohol than me, and a shitty stepfather who abused me and my sisters to the point that we’re still dealing with the psychological rift he built between us even now. My first marriage was full of control and psychological and religious manipulation. I never had any reason to even respect a man until I was in my early 30’s.

Yet I am a heterosexual woman.

Why does this matter? Why should anyone care that I’m in the realm of “normal” for society?

Because if sexual orientation was a choice, I’d be the perfect candidate for a lesbian.

Funny, though. I have no interest in women. I have experimented, like many, but every time it felt wrong. I am attracted to men, despite my prison-like patriotical upbringing. Despite the rape I experienced as a nine-year-old at the hands of my stepfather’s fourteen-year-old son. Despite my religiously controlled first marriage. Despite everything I have endured that tells me men are everything I want to avoid, I’m still attracted to them. Despite my love of my mother, despite the adoration I have for my sisters, despite the closeness of my very best girlfriends, I’m attracted to men.

To men I should hate. To men I should fear. To men I was raised to avoid and be terrified of.

Yet after 37 years of experimentation and adventure, I know now that I am 100%, absolutely, positively, and completely heterosexual.

Because I. Love. Men.

I am attracted to males. I am sexually excited by males. I adore my husband and am so attracted to him that it sometimes drives me wild. It never felt natural to be with a woman. Never.

And this, above everything else I can cite, is why I am entirely supportive of  the LGBT community. Because if I, as a woman who never had a reason to even like men for the first three DECADES of my life, am still attracted to men, then how in the HELL could it be a choice?

Respect everyone. Love everyone. We all follow the path we love, and if we don’t then we’re on a path to Hell. Nobody deserves that. Never be the ferryman to that kind of place. Not for anyone. Not ever.

I refuse to ever point anyone in the direction of a lie.

Talk Ta Me!

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